Hilary's Journal

this is the last entry i'll write in here. i'm ending it now. it's just stupid, you can't write anything about anyone, because they could see it, and you can't write what you could in a real journal b/c ppl could read it, and i think it's stupid.

so, i'm resorting to a real journal that i can hide from the world, so don't look in this one anymore. this is the end of it forever.

Current Mood: determined

here are all the things i should be doing:
-english hw
-getting the science hw
-getting the math hw
-scheduling my hair appt.
-eating breakfast
-calling kt and vic about starbux
-calling **** for mel
-looking for kitties

here's what i want to be doing:
-makin the little flower thingies
-reading da vinci code
-making new soakers
-hangin with the girlies
-talking to kt and vic
-getting kitties

funny how those to contradict, isn't it?

and here's what i AM doing:
-nothing productive, that's for sure


here's my day:
-hw
-haircut (hopefully)
-skating
-getting kitties (doubtfully, but hopefully)

sounds like i should finish my english quotes.

I LOVE U MAIRIN UR MY HERO BABY!

Current Mood: refreshed
Current Music: HERO

lies lies and more lies.
lying is just stupid, just plain dumb.
i've just had this big lying revelation (yes, that's the word lol tine) and i'm just not going to anymore. lie, i mean. i'm going to try my very best not to lie ever again.

another thing: could everyone please realize that things don't have to be black or white, right or wrong, true or false. there is a grey area that is the vast majority of things.

so, if you don't get something at this moment now, please stop asking me what i think about it and just give it a few days, then think about it again. then, if u still can't figure it out, ask someone who knows at least part of the story already.

so today i woke up, did like half my english that isn't due for another week (thx brendan, ur my hero!) then did the sheet that's due tomorrow (nice job doing it early, ben) then started to study for french.
then i went to skating, which was good but long.
then i came home, made soakers, talked, hung with mairin (for about a second lol i love u babe) and watched tv.
now i'm here.

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: elephant love medley ( i love u sara!)

truly madly deeply do

wow, today's practice sucked.
lynn decided to nail me for my footwork which i absolutely could not do today...she never seemed to catch the good ones, only the ones i messed up on or disconnected in...uuuuuuuuuugh...she's gonna take away my spot! i need chels and sam on the ice for a day alone.
aside from footwork, i fell in the last runthru and it hurt my butt soooo much because i fell right on my tailbone...ow!

so school:
english: NO idea what went on it that class...something about 3P's?? idk, i'll figure it out in the hw
WH: kinda fun because we wasted the WHOLE period talking and cleaning out binders (for the second time, wohoo!) and me and lea just sat there bitching about everything and everyone...until maddox started using us as her little class thermometers again...so annoying!
pottery: we put in a glaze firing today, yay! i'll my stuff but the first one is in...9 pots! score, i'm nearly done and can use that as a study.
gym: snuck in pop tarts again...haha mel, we're so shhhneaky!
earth science: no clue, SOOO fucking bored, something about triangles i think...i'll figure out that by the hw, too. i did, however, make a pretty picture on the back on my notebook of an island in a snow globe and (like my camp pic) it says "you can't always get where you want to..."
lunch: uneventful, sat with bex and shawn and cat and dev and alix in the student union (east) today...so boring, man i wish we had junior privs...we'll just go tomorrow anyways cuz we're cool.
algebra: test tomorrow...i should go do the review...maybe later.
french: colored a beach scene on the back of misca's notebook and i guess she liked it because she's making me do a halloween one on the inside of the back cover so she can photocopy it?? idk, she's just her.

**i have fifth lunch tomorrow, tell me if ur in it

Current Mood: distressed
Current Music: was i

it's interesting how some people think they know everything (i.e. Bob) and others (i.e. the asswhole) think they know nothing? in reality, we're all on the same playing field here. it just seems that a few of us would rather pretend we're stupid and go get high and drunk to prove it than do homework and study for tests. but hey, each to his or her own.

so today was uneventful.
got to school on time, but only barely.
english-sat there and watch some ppl talk about some superficial jackass named romeo
World Hisory-library hunt thing with jenny...what a yawn, we stole all the answers and didn't even have to hand it in. totally could have caught up on sleep in that 45 minutes.
Pottery-finished glazing my twin forms, that was good, bri was upset, but it was okay after we talked. otherwise boring, good music tho (thx briana!)
study hall-read Girl with a pearl earring the whole time, it's actually really good! (thx for telling me, vic!)
earth science-the most boring class in the world. i hate maloney. i still gotta get the VE for our profile for shoshana tomorrow...eh, i'll do it in class.
lunch-people (one) were bitchy and their lackie was being stupid, although...and becca told me brendan didn't want me to talk to him? she's confusing...but then in seventh:
Algebra-fire drill, Yay! talked to brendan, apparently i didn't get the whole story from becca, so that's all cool now. got like an 84 on the test...damn ms. peatman.
french-talked to melissa the whole time while she made out with her pen cap and cara and i made up a plan...muahahah!

skating: good practice, we're gonna b ready for plymouth i think. i miss carly though! i think olivia's out to get me...but whatever, i'll just pull up and tuck my foot in during the whip so it works better.

home: nothing really happened...did my hw like the good girl that i am (lol tine) and hated the chicken-vegetable soup my mom made for dinner so i ate a sandwich instead.

i think i'm going selling in stowe with Boo this weekend...idk, come check it out if u get around to it.

i'm tired, so night!

Current Mood: tired

i can't trust someone...but they're the only one i can talk to...not a good combination.

man, wish there was just someone i could talk to who wouldn't judge me or anything i say...wish things were perfect.
but nothing is. it's confusing and fucked up, and all you can do is put on a fake and fool the world until you figure it out...

until someone sees through it.

Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: wonderwall

Was i outta my head
was i outta my mind
how could i have ever been so blind
i was waitin for an indication
it was hard to find.

no matter what i say
only what i do
i never mean to do bad things to you
so tired but i finally woke up
if you're sad it's time you spoke up.

^such a good song

another good song:

closing time
every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

to stay happy and healthy, every day you should:

-get at least 10 minutes of cardio vascular work (running, swimming, jogging, etc.)
-eat at least 2 pieces of fruit
-take a vitamin with breakfast
-eat three healthy meals
-drink at least 4 glasses of liquid
-get/give a hug
-say goodnight to someone
-clean all the clothing/toys off the floor of your room
-try something new (even if it's just chewing on the other side of your mouth)
-stretch your muscles before you go to bed
-listen to a song that makes you feel happy

hope you think about some of that stuff if not all...(some's a little corney)

have a nice day!

i have no motivation to do any hw right now... but i have to do my math at least (which i got from CARA. NOT brenden, hah!) before alex gets home...in 2 1/2 hours. i think i'll do it now.

i did a whole lot of it...on the wrong page. o screw.

idk what's going on with anyone anymore...people i thot were friends want me to be something else, and people i thot hated me that i'd rather stay away from want to hang with me...why do things have to change? i am who i am, and that's who i am for now. i may change, in fact i'm sure i will, but for now, i have enough trouble trying to balance what i know, let alone add things and change things and would people please do me a favor? i don't want a boyfriend right now, i just want some people to count on! but that's changing too now...i don't know, i guess it's all a little overwhelming...i don't know. maybe i shoudln't.

there's no one online today...i have mates at 3:30...and poo on katie because she has a violin audition (good luck though quiggles!) so we can't go to lunch...not that we could go to Yangtze anyways...wink wink.

so i'm kinda bored but not really because i'm about to leave...so bye!

i saw hilary s. today at roche bros. it was so great to see her, i miss her so much! she's a CIT at CC now for summer and loving high school, for all you MSSAers who want to know.

i'm in a really weird mood right now. i don't know, i feel like there's so many big questions that will just never be answered...in full anyways...it's so confusing...

who knows.


anyways, i'm gonna go shower because my hair is being stupid and i don't wanna straighten/curl/gel/do anything else girls do to their hair to it. i don't care enough, so i just keep it clean and brushed. night all

it's sumthin unpredictable, but in the end there's right

i hope you have the time of your life...


so take the photographs and stillframes in your life,
hang it on a shelf with good health and good time,
tattoos and memories and asking on trial,
for what it's worth it was worth all the while.

"Veni, Vidi, Velcro" ~i came, i saw, i stuck around

choose the road less travelled...there'll be less traffic

silence may be golden, but silver's never been bad

judge me if you like, but keep the verdict to yourself

dynomite comes in small packages *think on this one*

monday is a bad way to spend 1/7 of your life

ever notice that the people who are late are often much happier than the people who have to wait for them

be who you are, say how you feel becaue those who mind won't matter and those who matter won't mind

due to recent cutbacks and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off *so true*

i laugh in the face of death...okay, it's less of a laugh and more of a snicker...okay, and it's really not it death's face...it's really more like a quiet snicker behind death's back

some people think we should say "one nation, under God" but i think we should say "one nation, under Canada and over Mexico"

if the shoe fits...buy it in every color!

i don't know why anyone ever tries to be different or to make a difference. you can't. it's impossible. no matter what you do, you won't be the first, last, or best at it. and even if u are, you will eventually die and be forgotten.

so wake up and deal with it.

anyone who thinks they are an individual is not.
anyone who thinks they are better than someone else is not.
anyone who thinks they can do, think, dress, act, or make choices differently than anyone cannot.

this is because we live in a world full of conformists and people who think they are not conformists, but in essence, they are, because there are several million people who think that very same way. they are no more special. they have no more fun. they are just rebellious without a cause. or sometimes, with a cause, but that still does not make them any different. because they are not the only ones with a cause. and that is sad.

so, you wonder, why bother to live at all? if you're just going to end up the same as everyone else in the end, it's really rather pointless, is it not? no, it is not. because there are different levels of sameness.

christopher columbus thought the world was round, not flat. he was slightly different. but not really, because on this whole planet, he was not the only one who thought that. he probably was not the only one who stated that, either. he just happened to have the right place and time in which he could get money and a crew to find out. others probably found out too, but no one ever heard about it.

that is because the world is full of conformist freaks who can't stand to see anyone but themselves win at anything, even if once in a while they help someone else. the only reason they do that is either to "feel good inside" which is crap, or to get something in return.

so, the point is not to just lie back and conform. no, that is not it at all. the point is to realize that the way you are now will never change the world. you can't be afraid of what you don't know. you can't be afraid to say something totally outlandish, because it is often true.

and, you can't be afraid to die. because it is when people are afraid to die that they hold back and don't go full out, all on, nothing holding back. and that is what this world needs. a few people who aren't afraid to die.

and no matter what you say, everyone is slightly afraid to die.

i HATE HATE HATE how things can go from fab to fucked up in a second.

but...I LOVE LOVE LOVE how they can go back in the same amount of time. what would i do without u satine!

it's so hip
to give u a kiss
and taste cherry chapstik
ah
it's our secret
our little secret
we'll never tell
ah ah

i'm in such a good mood and i don't know why! i miss ben a little...but i don't really care because there are so many other things to do that are keeping me happy! he can miss ME! haha

RACHEL TOWNZEN: YOU'RE AMAZING DON'T LET N E ONE TELL U DIFFERENT!

you know, the point of a livejournal is supposedly so you can say things that are meant to be in a journal only, but as it were you cannot really say anything private because people read it. isn't that ironic? i guess it's conformist to have one...but then again much as i try to be different, i guess i'm conformist as the next person.

why are people conformist? i couldn't say...but trying to be different in a world of the same is harder than one may think. it's hard to step out on the edge when the only safe thing you know it the center.

but then again, why not go out on a limb? that's where the fruit is...